The Mingling of Souls

Today is our last sermon in our mini-series, Radical Purity for Sexual Discipleship, which is part of our larger series, Living the Kingdom Live. The last sermon on this topic was two weeks ago. So, it may be good to do a quick review.

In the first sermon we learned that sexual discipleship is important. We must learn and teach others how to follow Jesus as Lord, Creator, and Savior, in every aspect of our lives, including our sexuality and marriages.

We saw that God designed and created our sexuality beautifully and wonderfully. He created the covenant of marriage. Sexuality and marriage are holy expressions, illustrations of God’s love for us. It tells the story of God’s love. That is why radical purity is required for living out a kingdom sexuality. We learned that we must strive for radical purity because our bodies belong to God. Our bodies are God’s temple. Jesus Christ our Lord lives in us, in these bodies, through the Holy Spirit.

We have seen also that because of the Fall, sin, and Satan’s focused attacks on our sexuality, we are all sexually broken and have sinned sexually. But, there is forgiveness, hope and new life available in Jesus Christ when we repent and believe in him.

Today we look at one more reason why radical purity is required for kingdom sexuality. Perhaps I should clarify what I mean by radical purity. Radical purity means that we live out and practice our sexuality according to the strict teachings of God’s Word, and within the boundaries designed and set by God in his wisdom, namely marriage. This is radical because it goes against what our culture and the world is teaching. It goes against what we want to do. It is radical because it requires of us to die to self, and to practice a kingdom sexuality that glorifies Jesus as Lord of our lives.

This is radical because kingdom sexuality involves, results in the intermingling of souls. This mingling of souls can happen safely, and with rich and deep fulfillment only in the lifelong marriage covenant between one man and one women. God instituted marriage as the place and the way for us to live out and experience our sexuality with love, pleasure, joy, happiness, fulfillment, and contentment. Marriage is God’s design and plan. That is why Jesus’ teaching on marriage and divorce is radical.

Matthew 5:31-32 — “It was also said, Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.’ But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.” (ESV)

To understand Jesus’ teaching in these verses we must also look at Mat 19:3-9 — And Pharisees came up to him and tested him by asking, “Is it lawful to divorce one's wife for any cause?” He answered, “Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.” They said to him, “Why then did Moses command one to give a certificate of divorce and to send her away?” He said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.”

During Jesus’ time there was a controversy, a debate, about divorce between two rival rabbinic schools, and how to interpret Deut. 24:1-4. On the one hand there was the very strict school. Divorce is wrong and only allowable when there was a very serious, grave offense. On the other hand, was the school with a very lax view. They wanted to make divorce easy, for any cause. A man could divorce his wife if she was an incompetent cook, burnt his food, spoke to other men in the street, said something bad about his mother, became displeasing to him, which usually meant he found a woman that was more beautiful than his wife.

That sounds very much like to today’s self-centered views of marriage. When your spouse no longer fulfills or pleases you, you can drop him/her and look for someone else.

The Pharisees wanted to test Jesus and see on whose side he was in this debate. Hence the question, “Is it lawful to divorce one’s wife for any cause?”

But, Jesus did not answer their question. Instead, he took them back to Genesis 1 and 2 — the creation of sexuality, male and female, and the institution of marriage. Before we can talk about divorce, we must first be clear on what marriage is. When we talk about sexuality, we must understand God’s design and purpose for marriage and its relationship to sexuality.

Jesus makes two things very clear here about marriage. One, sexuality involves the deepest intimacy possible between two humans, and this intimacy is intended for and can happen only in marriage. Two, marriage is a divine institution and is permanent.

1. Intimacy — The Intermingling of Souls

“… and the two shall become one flesh’? So they are no longer two but one flesh.”

Sexuality within marriage involves and produces the most intimate, deepest human relationship possible. Dallas Willard calls it the intermingling of souls; Matt Chandler, the mingling of souls, which is also the title of his book on marriage and sexuality.

God designed marriage to be a safe place where the sexual experience can be fulfilled and enjoyed in all of its richest meanings. This is so because our sexuality is something spiritual. Sexuality is not merely a physical desire that needs to be satisfied. Sex is not merely a physical expression and gratification of a physical desire. Sex is not a mechanical, physical act between two objects or two beings. It is a relational bond between two people, persons. Sexuality involves our emotions, hearts, minds, our spirits, our souls, thus, our whole being. It is a God-given gift that involves a uniquely personal intimacy of the whole person with the whole person of the other person.

When you have sex with someone you give from your innermost, intimate self. You give the other person access to your soul. Two souls intermingle and become one. Because it involves our souls, this intimacy is intended for, and should be experienced in a relationship of true, real love, biblical, kingdom love. This is the self-giving, self-sacrificing love that loves and honors the other above self. It is love and a relationship that demonstrates God’s love for us, and our love for Him, as we have seen in Ephesians 5.

This intimacy is intended to be experienced in the relationship between one man and one woman who have committed themselves in a holy covenant of enduring faithfulness to each other for life. This intimacy can only be fully experienced, enjoyed, and fulfilled in the safety of marriage.

Casual sex, sex seeking only physical gratification and enjoyment, even romantic sex outside of marriage, never satisfies. Because it happens outside of that safety zone, the depth of the intimacy, the mingling of souls, cannot happen. The intimacy has been intruded upon. And therefore, it always leaves one or both of the partners damaged, with hurt emotions, pain, brokenness, problems, issues and baggage that impact their life in devastating ways.

Because of this intimacy when betrayal happens, whether in marriage or outside of marriage, that betrayal leaves devastation behind. Betrayal is a bitter violation of the self because you have shared, given your soul, your self, to the other, and it hurts when they betray you through adultery or unfaithfulness. It leaves broken hearts, anger, pain behind.

This intimacy, the mingling of souls, cannot be forced on someone else. When it is forced on another, whether through sexual harassment, abuse, exploitation or rape, it is a violation of the other person’s soul. Therefore, when our sexuality is expressed outside of the wise and safe boundaries set by God, this intimacy, this mingling of souls, cannot be achieved and experienced as intended by God. Without this intimacy the sexual experience provides only brief, temporary gratification, no true fulfillment, and the soul is left wanting more. And so it seeks more and more through any means possible. But the intimacy is lacking and never happens, and it only leaves behind a path of broken hearts and souls.

2. Marriage is God’s Design & Permanent

That is why God has designed and instituted marriage in the beginning. And from the very beginning God intended marriage to be exclusive, between one man and one woman, and to be permanent. Marriage “is a divine institution by which God makes permanently one two people who decisively and publicly leave their parents in order to form a new unit of society and then ‘become one flesh” (Stott). And this has not changed. God’s design, God’s intention, God’s purpose for marriage still stands and is still the norm, the standard and expectation for God’s people.

So what about divorce? Divorce is not God’s will. “What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.” So the Pharisees asked Jesus, “Why then did Moses command one to give a certificate of divorce and to send her away?”

“Because of your hardness of heart Moses allowed you …” Divorce is a divine concession, a divine permission or accommodation because of the hardness of our hearts, our human weakness, and our sexual brokenness. It was not like that from the beginning. And that is why Jesus’ reluctant permission of and teaching on divorce is radical. One can divorce only because of sexual immorality.

Note that Jesus talks here about our hardness of heart. Remember how the Sermon on the Mount began with the attitudes of the heart? It is no coincidence that Jesus speaks about divorce after he dealt with anger, contempt, and obsessive desire. If there was no anger, no contempt, no obsessive fantasized desire, no self-seeking gratification, then the question of divorce will not arise.

Unfortunately, hard hearts make divorce necessary sometimes to avoid greater suffering. But, kingdom hearts are not hard. One of the early church fathers, Chrysostum, said, “For he that is meek, and a peacemaker, and poor in spirit, and merciful, how shall he cast out his wife? He that is used to reconcile others, how shall he be at variance with her that is his own?”

Kingdom hearts will together find ways to bear with each other, to speak truth in love, to change, to work through times of great pain and distress until the tender intimacy of mutual, self-giving, covenant love finds a way to remain one. Kingdom hearts, even in the case of sexual immorality and unfaithfulness, will confess, repent, seek forgiveness, give forgiveness, and work for reconciliation.

Kingdom hearts will do everything possible in the power of the Holy Spirit to save marriages and avoid divorce. And when divorce seems unavoidable, kingdom hearts will do it rightly and as an act of love. It will be guided by love and be done for the honest good of all the people involved.

Our Lord takes marriage very seriously. Marriage is supremely sacred and holy. Therefore, we must take radical steps to protect our marriages at all costs. We must resits the world’s views about sexuality, marriage, and divorce. And as a church do we must make every effort to help our families protect and keep their marriages holy.

And when one of us falls and sins sexually — Repent and turn back to Jesus. There is grace and forgiveness and new life with him. We as brothers and sisters must extend grace and forgiveness to that person. We must be aware of and avoid self-righteous judgmentalism. Remember, we are all sexually broken. We who have experienced the Lord’s grace and forgiveness must give the same to others when they repent. We must be forgiving like Jesus is forgiving.

We cannot comprehend, but we can share the suffering and pain of those who have been ravaged and devastated by sexual sin or divorce. “If one member suffers, all suffer together.” (1 Co 12:26) We can come next to them. Love them unconditionally. Help them to encounter Jesus, to experience his love, grace, and forgiveness. Help them by the power of the Holy Spirit to put their lives back together again, and to experience the new life in Jesus Christ.

All of us must continue to try our utmost best in the power of the Holy Spirit, and also help one another, to live lives of radical purity. We must honor our Lord even in and through our sexuality and marriages. Remember, our marriages tell the story of God’s love and the gospel of God’s salvation to a watching, broken, fallen world. Let’s make sure that they see and hear God’s love through our marriages.